“Friendship is a part of human happiness,” Jan Werich used to say, and “Friendship makes our happiness brighter, it increases its sparkle. Misfortune then becomes more bearable because it is shared and endured with us,” wrote the Roman philosopher and politician Marcus Tullius Cicero more than two thousand years ago on the same subject.
Friends are the most important people in our lives right after family. For some, a friend means more than their own family. This is because they are someone we choose for ourselves, with whom we resonate better, someone who always loves us the same, even when they know everything about us. We don’t have to pretend in front of them; they know all our weaknesses and don’t judge us. True friendship is a relationship between equals who listen and understand each other, even when the other can no longer express themselves; they carry the burdens of life and can stand up and sacrifice for each other.
We often recognize the true value of friendship as children. I will never forget my best childhood friend, Misa. We were both five years old, and we were like one soul inhabiting two small bodies. She used to visit me on weekends in the summer camp where I spent my summers with my grandfather, and there, we experienced incredible adventures together. Our favourite pastime was climbing the giant pile of clay near the football field, an activity my grandfather considered very dangerous, and we were forbidden to go there. But you know how it is – what’s not allowed can be irresistibly attractive sometimes. So, one day, during a heavy rain, I persuaded Misa to go with me to climb our clay mountain, which, under the assault of water, was turning into mud right before our eyes. Our little legs in rubber boots were sinking dangerously into the muck, but we climbed fearlessly to the top. My grandfather caught us just as our small bodies were hopelessly sinking into the sticky substance, and our rubber boots were irretrievably lost. When we realized that our expedition wasn’t the best idea (looking back, if my children were in a similar situation today, it would make me anxious), my grandfather misunderstood the situation and directed his anger not at me, the instigator of this crazy idea, but at my friend Misa. He scolded her for leading me into this mess, and I, for the first time, experienced the tormenting feeling of injustice when someone you love is treated unfairly. I ran away from the clay mountain in tears and a huge sense of injustice on behalf of my little friend. I couldn’t bear the fact that my grandfather accused her of something she wasn’t responsible for. This indescribable despair and pain eventually led me to tell my grandfather the truth and take all the blame. My grandfather apologized to Misa, and our friendship, strengthened by this experience, lasted for many more years.
Although our paths later diverged, I still have Misa in my memories. Thanks to this experience, I don’t harbor romantic notions that every friendship must last forever or that all friendships can fulfill us in all ways.
When we feel down, we call Johana; when we want to go to a concert or the cinema, we know we’ll enjoy it most with Karolina, and Hanka is always the best yoga or mountain hiking partner.
It’s difficult to have a confidant, a spiritual coach, a psychologist, an intellectual, a cultural connoisseur, a humorist, and a talented athlete all in one person. Our needs are diverse, and one individual can’t fulfill them all. Cultivating friendships with people of different backgrounds is normal, and each of them will bring a slightly different quality.
Most of us probably have that one friend who will always be there. This is someone with whom we might have gone to kindergarten, someone who grew up with us, experienced our first loves and disappointments, someone who knows our family history, and we share so many memories that even if we only see each other once every few years, we always have so much to talk about.
Sometimes, among friends, we need an inspiration buddy, someone who encourages us, broadens our horizons, sees the best in us, and helps us overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Think about the person who persuaded you to start running marathons after turning forty or encouraged you to open your own bakery, where someone would finally appreciate your delicious cakes.
A friend – a confidant – is the one you can always rely on from the list of friends’ typology. We can tell them anything, our secrets remain safe with them, and our souls find relief.
There are also friends who are only with us for a certain period of life, but often stay longer. When we become mothers, suddenly our best friend is another mother with whom we can more easily manage all the challenges of motherhood. If we venture into business, someone who embarked on a similar adventure before us can be a valuable guide. The key to such friendships is that they share the same mission that both need to accomplish.
There are also friends we would sometimes rather not have. They are the ones who always tell us the unvarnished truth, sparing us nothing, not allowing us to sulk or wallow in feelings of inferiority but rather holding up an unrelenting mirror to us. We may subconsciously fear our relationship with them, but deep down, we know that without their honesty, we might never move closer to our goals.
Friends come into our lives, but they can also leave it. And it’s not always due to a disagreement. Our interests or opinions can drift apart, we may move, change schools or jobs, our life circumstances change… and sometimes we don’t even know why someone disappears from our life. Although some friendships last for years and others only briefly, they leave a deep mark on us. In many situations, friendships teach us a lot about ourselves, and often remind us of how important it is to have someone who knows and understands us. It is good to enjoy the friendships we have, without expecting them to last forever.
Social media exacts its toll on our relationships – especially on friendships. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and others have fundamentally changed the way we communicate with each other and what form our friendships take. For some, the only friend may be the one whose picture they have tagged among their friends on Facebook. Because of social media, we often think we know someone very well. But if we were to be honest with ourselves, liking someone’s photo on Instagram or having them like ours is not evidence of friendship. True friendship requires time and communication – preferably face to face. Trust can only be gained with someone we spend time with in person. The foundation of enduring relationships between two people is the experiences and memories that we don’t post anywhere but actually live and share during our meetings. Superficial relationships only consume our time and energy, and when we are faced with real meetings and face-to-face communication, we don’t know what to do. We are standing in front of someone made of flesh and bone, and we suddenly can’t rethink our response, correct it, embellish it, improve it, filter it, or delete it completely, as we are used to doing online. We have a few seconds to react, and we don’t know how to handle it. Often, we no longer know how to establish real friendships and prefer to stay hidden behind screens, writing to people we will never meet, people who will never hold our hand when we truly need it.
Perhaps we have hundreds of “friends” or “followers” on social networks, but happiness is not about how many friends we can count but about how many friends we can truly count on in life. Building deep friendships requires time and energy, and we don’t have an infinite supply of either.
Simply put, the bonds of friendship are genuinely important in our lives, and that’s why there has been an International Day of Friendship among People, Nations, and Cultures celebrated for several years. In the Czech Republic, this celebration happens during the summer holidays. While people around the world might send postcards, flowers, small gifts, or dance together to prove their friendship during this time, we can at least call our friend and reminisce together… perhaps about the time when, as kids, we climbed the “clay mountain” together.
Ivana Tykač,
