It’s morning, and the alarm clock has already rung for the third time. We open our groggy eyes and rise to a new day. On our way to the kitchen, we pick up discarded tops and immediately start the first washing machine. We wake up the children, prepare breakfast, snacks (and the hamster). We wake up the children again, stumbling over a Lego castle in the process, braid our daughter’s hair while discussing the performance quality in the English football league with the older offspring. We empty the full dishwasher, while our daughter manages to spill hot cocoa on her new skirt, and the electrician we’ve scheduled for two months writes that he’s broken his leg and won’t be able to install that “new chandelier” tonight. My husband can’t find the butter in the fridge (it’s right in front of him). My son leaves for school late (leaving his prepared snack on the table), and my husband and daughter return shortly after he rushes to kindergarten to retrieve forgotten swimming gear. We barely have a few minutes for ourselves before heading to work, and when we arrive at the office after the morning races, we are as frazzled as blueberries. And it’s only half past eight in the morning. Our heads are bursting with the dozens of tasks we still need to handle today.
You might find the preceding lines exaggerated. Maybe they accurately reflect your own mornings, or perhaps you could add dozens more activities that you manage at this time every day.
We are self-sufficient, emancipated, and we have asserted our right to fill our lives as we see fit. We want to live according to the script we’ve chosen for ourselves, not the one imposed by upbringing or our surroundings. We’ve freed ourselves from dependence on someone or something, gained freedom and equal rights. It has brought us relief, but at the same time, it has also brought problems. We juggle so many roles (including those traditionally considered masculine) that we can be proud of ourselves. We drive cars, lawnmowers, and large companies; we handle shovels and hammers, and, if necessary, we can paint the living room. We can keep up with the kids on the playground and the ski slope, and we’re always ready for new challenges. Often, though, we’re also… exhausted to death. We’ve taken on so many responsibilities; we want to succeed in every aspect, so our men lose their sense of importance, and we are right on the fast track to the psychiatrist’s office. Or maybe not. There are women who have successful careers, feel fulfilled, and still, even though they handle family care, aren’t falling apart. But honestly, those are rare exceptions.
I certainly don’t believe that we women should give up our own lives and fully devote ourselves “only” to the family, the stove, and the iron. I proudly identify as an emancipated woman and have spent my whole life striving to be self-sufficient. But every time March 8th approaches, International Women’s Day, a day of solidarity for women’s equality, justice, and development, I wonder if taking on traditionally male competencies hasn’t led us into a dead end.
There’s one thing that, unlike men, significantly limits us. As women, we have a biological need to help. Protecting our loved ones and the needs of others are naturally encoded in our DNA, and it not only holds us back but also drains us. We juggle hectic work lives, and even though men represent us fully in many aspects, and we, in turn, replace them in many roles, we feel like we’re failing and not present enough for our loved ones or ourselves.
So, when you think about International Women’s Day on March 8th, whether it’s just a commercialized or politicized holiday that’s not worth considering, stop and enjoy it. Go out for coffee with a friend, book a massage, go to the movies, or buy yourself a new skirt. Or just indulge in long, sweet idleness. You deserve it.
Ivana Tykač,
