I was on vacation. In Australia. In a beautiful house with a huge garden, surrounded by amazing nature, with a koala bear and alpacas just a stone’s throw away. Although it wasn’t exactly a vacation for me. My main role was that of a wife.
To help you understand, I really enjoy being my husband’s wife. When I talk about the role of a wife, I mean a set of activities associated with it. Not just representation. But cleaning. Cooking. Laundry. Constantly scolding everyone that the plate really belongs in the dishwasher, not next to it. NOT NEXT TO IT! Ironing. Grocery shopping. And it’s not shopping for dresses and shoes. Not creams and lipsticks. Grocery shopping. Doing homework with the children. Cleaning shoes. I won’t go on; my head is already spinning from it. So, this is how I spent my ‘vacation’. And one sentence kept running through my mind: being a wife is sometimes a real full-time job, don’t you think?
I fly back to the Czech Republic and read that the government plans for large corporations to ensure at least a third of women in the management. Nothing against it, but I think it’s clear why women aren’t there. Why there are only men everywhere. Why would you think? Because women simply don’t have time. They have to do household chores. Clean. If they didn’t have to take care of the family’s affairs every day, they would be everywhere. Even in the government. Instead, they do what I call ‘unpaid work‘. Try calling it that too; I’ll be happy. If all of us start saying it from now on, just imagine.
I’ll admit, I don’t really like cleaning. When I first thought about what I want and don’t want in life, I was twelve. I, among other things, said to myself that I always want a cleaning lady. I realized that I don’t enjoy cleaning, and it’s a waste of time for me. So, I tried to arrange my life from that moment so that I wouldn’t have to. It didn’t always work, and of course, I still clean now. But why am I talking about this? That was the first time I realized that I don’t want to do work that I don’t enjoy. And that no one will pay me for. Unpaid work.
Last year, we founded our new institute, Solvo. Solvo means ‘to unlock’. It’s a nice short word, but more importantly, it’s a group of smart people who want to explore the feelings and potential of Czech women. In a short time, thanks to the work of my colleagues, we managed to conduct several major public opinion surveys on the Czech population to find out how Czech women feel and maybe even Czech children, as well. We’ll deal with the children later, but those women, those women! They don’t feel great. Just not much.
According to our exclusive survey, more than 70% of Czech women feel ‘caring’. Okay, but only about 50% feel successful. Understand? Every second Czech woman doesn’t feel successful. Can you imagine that? It seems terribly sad to me. How do these women feel? How do they experience their lives? How often do they acknowledge a small or large, but their own, I emphasize, their own success in it? Not just praise from their husbands. If they even thank them for cleaning and doing the laundry. They don’t experience success. Their own.
What is success, anyway?
For me, success is me, Ivana. It’s something of my own, something I achieve with my work, my idea. Simply a success. Small or big, it doesn’t matter. But it’s not the success of my husband or my children, although I love them all. But my own success, something that allows me to be happy of myself. To be proud of myself. Apparently, half of women don’t experience that much in their lives.
Probably because they don’t have much time.
I’m reading an article about a scientific study from Australia confirming that mothers are responsible for how men behave. Of course, we know that. ‘Some women very often find that their husband simply doesn’t function in the household as he should. Women very often have two jobs—their regular job and then the work at home, for which no one pays them’. Yes, that’s ‘my’ unpaid work.
I’m making a note that I finally have to start writing that guide for mothers of sons. Teach them to cook basic meals, clean, and do laundry. There’s nothing to it. Put the laundry in the washing machine. Let them try to learn to say thank you. The article advises further: ‘Try suggesting to your husband a precise system for dividing household chores. Do your own and wait for him to do his’. I’m sending this to my institute colleagues to see what they think.
A colleague highlighted and added three exclamation marks to this amazing quote: ‘The key is to endure, and if you see that his part of the work still isn’t done after several days, definitely don’t do it for him!’ A decent idea. My colleagues and I fully agreed, but there’s a problem. The email copy included a male colleague. He got upset that he, too, cleans at home. Truly ‘great’. Let’s further infuriate men with this feminism. Those men who clean. Who do household chores.
By the way, 73% of men in our Solvo Institute survey told us that feminists are too aggressive in advocating for equal rights. I’m not a feminist, but maybe sometimes they ARE a bit much. And does it work differently? They have results. And what about you? Will you ask for two hours of free time at home? Maybe this is the key. What would it be like if you had them?
You could, for example… start a business. Start making jams. Sell them anywhere, at a farmers’ market. Or directly on your own e-shop, which you can set up in a few evenings on Shopify. Maybe then Rohlik (a food delivery company) would start selling your products as well. Maybe the company could grow a bit. And if you had two hours a day, you could take care of employees. You could be the HR boss or maybe… design ceramics, call factories, negotiate the best delivery of a product. Or you could go to the spa. To be beautiful. That’s success too. And a big one.
And all it takes is so little. Ask for two hours a day at home. Saying is maybe not enough. Advocate for it. Will you try? Let me know. Write to me on LinkedIn. Do you have it? If not, create it now. There are lots of interesting women there.
Ivana Tykač,
