Christmas Column in Marie Claire

Imagine a Saturday afternoon during Advent. You’re on a pleasant walk with the kids, looking forward to a cup of hot chocolate. You’re walking through a residential area or a villa district. And what do you see? In one apartment block, a man is washing windows. He’s doing a great job, but every now and then, he steps back to see if there are any streaks on the glass. A bit further, another neighbour is hanging freshly washed curtains on the balcony. He greets you and almost apologetically adds that he knows they won’t dry outside, but he’ll let the curtains catch just a bit of air to make them smell even better.

Meanwhile, at your home, it smells of cocoa and vanilla, your husband is baking rolls, and the kitchen is bustling. You all taste the rolls together. They’re excellent, even though your partner insists that the rolls have hardened a bit this year. You convince him that the cookies are great, and your little ones would grab more if dad didn’t run off somewhere to hide them after bedtime…

Does it sound like heavenly music to you? Like a fairy tale on Christmas Eve prime time? Do you dream of not getting stressed out and exhausted before the holidays this year? Do you feel unfair that you’re cleaning and baking while your husband takes the kids outside? Yes, maybe you sent them out to avoid tripping over them while preparing, or perhaps you all go for experiences and enjoy it, but the thought of what awaits you at home still haunts you. Well, it doesn’t matter; you’ll handle it when the kids go to sleep, or you’ll wake up early. It will somehow work out! It does every year!

I keep asking myself if it could be done differently. Does it always have to be the woman who falls under the Christmas tree with the last bit of energy (and we’re not debating whether she really has to rush around before Christmas, as if some global celebrity was about to come)? I’m talking about how we divide tasks and responsibilities at home, what our starting point is, and how we women perceive it.

You might argue that society has set up this division a long time ago, back when women watched the fire in the cave, and men hunted mammoths. Perhaps you’ll say that these models have been ingrained in people’s genetic makeup, and change would be difficult, if not impossible.

However, we can’t blame everything on society. Who is society anyway? Some imaginary authority? No way!

It’s us, men and women! So, when we strive for men to treat us as equals, have equal pay, respect us as leaders and experts, we should also let them more into our world. And that includes the vacuum cleaner, wasp nest forms (Christmas sweets), or furniture polish. It includes a crying toddler and visits to the pediatrician. Did you know that many children’s doctors don’t even know the fathers of their patients, even though they come from complete and functioning families? Is it only the fathers’ fault? Or maybe also the mothers who wouldn’t even think that Dad could take Matysek for vaccination?

Whether we like it or not, we, women, also have a share of responsibility. Maybe I’ll convince you with the story of my friend Petr. I know a few men who, although not professional bakers or pastry chefs, make several types of Christmas cookies or amazing braided breads at home. Women admire them and say to each other, “I wish I had someone like that at home!” Petr is one of them. He can iron his shirts himself, even though he has a skillful and kind wife. For Christmas, she bakes a few types of cookies, and he does too, and they don’t find it strange. He washes the windows because he wouldn’t let Tereza balance at a height above the street.

Do you think everyone admires Petr? Not at all. The guys at work gave him various nicknames, the mildest being “Little Kitchen.” If he went to the pub, he would probably need his own table, a sort of donkey bench. However, he surprisingly doesn’t score many points with women either! They may dream before Christmas about how wonderful it would be if their husband were like Petr, but in the end, he seems too unmanly, more like a friend. And if he didn’t have a wife, they would probably judge him to be gay.

But that’s how Petr was raised by his wonderful parents. A dad who didn’t play Rambo and didn’t claim that men’s destiny is to do important things, like saving the world. A mom who tried to instill respect for women in her son in every way.

I know that changing the attitudes of the majority of men towards such common but exhausting things like cleaning would be challenging. Your dear halves would probably send you to a psychiatrist if you asked them to bake a Christmas cake with eight layers. But when you involve your little son in baking, he’ll see it as a great game, not a task for girls. If you intentionally spoil your teenage son’s favorite shirt once, next time he’ll probably put it in the washing machine himself. If you don’t fill the fridge once, your hungry offspring will discover that there’s a store nearby. It’s true that old dogs learn new tricks reluctantly, but it comes naturally to puppies. You can convince your teenage daughter that a guy who helps at home is not a pushover. Even her favorite YouTuber sometimes picks up a vacuum cleaner.

So, if we want more respect, respect, and equality, we should start with our own people. So, when you collapse under the pressure of pre-Christmas duties this year and maybe shed a tear in the bathroom, thinking you’re on your own, reflect on it. You know what I mean.