Who was the first significant man in your life? Could it be that adorable blond boy from the kindergarten who hit you with a cupcake so hard that it made you cry, and he wiped away your tears with a snotty handkerchief? Or maybe a few years later, another classmate, who gave you your first kiss on the ear in the school cafeteria queue, so awkwardly that you almost went deaf? My guess is that neither of them was the real first one. The most important man in your life was there for you much earlier. You didn’t choose him, didn’t invite him, but at the beginning of your life’s journey, your world revolved around him. DAD.
Each of us has different memories of our fathers. Some of them are joyful, touching, amusing, even adventurous, while others are etched under our skin, and there are some we’d rather forget. Just as there’s no ideal partner, there’s no ideal father either. Every father is unique, and it’s impossible to say that one is better and another is worse. Some have an intellectual dad who makes them learn multiplication tables at the age of four. Others are fortunate (or maybe not) to have an adventurous father who gives them a rope and an ice axe for their second birthday and takes them to conquer the nearest mountain. The daddy who’s a handyman can’t be pried away from building things, and the most significant thing he discusses is running around the field and flying kites. Some fathers appear in our lives as mere guests, swamped with work, too busy to spend time with their children. The range of father types is quite diverse, and the fact is that fatherhood itself has undergone significant changes and has gone through many developmental stages in recent years.
During the Industrial Revolution, fathers were separated from their families to provide for them financially. They became, for the most part, invisible members of the household, only catching a glimpse of their children after work, when they were already asleep. The First World War dealt another blow to fathers. Not just fathers, but women had to take over many male responsibilities during that time. For various reasons, many fathers were nearly forgotten in their families. Think about how much commotion President T.G. Masaryk caused after the war when he publicly pushed his baby in a stroller. Many viewed it as an extravagance and feminist eccentricity. From a male perspective, only a “henpecked” man could do such a thing, and no one probably thought that the president did it willingly and enjoyed it.
After the Second World War, many women entered the workforce outside the home, and the role of fathers took on a new form. The ideal dad, according to the state, was the one who worked more and enjoyed working for the benefit of his children. The best scenario was if he left home to work, at least for a year and a long distance away.
The archetype of the patriarchal father as the head of the family, whose role was limited to earning money while all child-rearing and household tasks automatically fell to the mother after her job, is slowly disappearing.
Modern fathers are often more active, caring, fair, and have a greater respect for equality and the needs of their children. I frequently see fathers accompanying their children to school, taking them to clubs, visiting the doctor, pushing strollers in the parks, and even getting up for the youngest ones at night. Modern men have no problem playing football with their children, preparing school lunches, taking their children’s temperature, helping them with homework, or cooking dinner with them, thus sharing family joys and duties with their wives. I observe with admiration how my 27-year-old son takes such great care of his younger siblings. He cooks for them, entertains them, cares for them with love and tenderness, and I believe he will make a wonderful dad one day. Contemporary fathers simply enjoy fatherhood more and are more actively involved in it, even from the moment of a child’s birth.
The renowned child psychologist Zdenek Matejcek said that a mother leads a child to a person, while a father leads them to people. I would add that fathers are like bridges to life. They are just as important as mothers, although they play a slightly different role. Let’s not be petty and appreciate every little thing a man does for his children, for us, and for the family. Don’t take it for granted because men are a different species, and many of them are still learning their parenting skills. Let’s be generous, and as women, let’s contribute to building bridges in society by creating connections to our partners because a happy family is worth it. Let’s celebrate fathers, at least once a year, on the third Sunday in June, on Father’s Day. We have an extra reason to do so. Celebrate them for how far they’ve come, who they are, how their roles have changed in society, and their relationship with their children. They deserve it.
Wishing you a Happy Father’s Day with your dad, or at least a fond memory of him.
Ivana Tykač,
